BREAKING NEWS

The Artist Known as Prince has released some scandalous messages from Tiger Woods, proving that the two men were in a long term torrid affair. No, Not really. But all this Tiger stuff reminds me of when Pelegrim and I went to see Prince perform at Mandalay Bay. Tiger Woods came up on stage to say a few words about his Tiger Jam charity and to thank Prince for donating proceeds from the concert to his foundation. Yep. That's the whole story. Honestly, Tiger Woods is boring. And creepy. And ugly.

hood wink

Coming to a head and crotch near you. The Hood Thong hasn't gone into full production, but they are taking custom orders on their website. You will be wearing the most progressive, functional, temperature-controlled pieces of fashion around. It may be a bit expensive, but once they start mass producing them in a sweatshop in China, your HoodThong is totally worth every penny. Plus, you get the added bonus of a piece of clothing that will smell like scalp, ass and pussy. (Source)

tiger beat

Tiger Woods, who was originally listed in "serious" condition after being involved in a single car crash near his home in Florida early Friday morning, was upgraded to "good" condition after being released from Health Central Hospital with facial lacerations. Here's where things get sketchy: The crash occurred at 2:20 AM. Woods struck a fire hydrant and then a tree on a neighbor's property and police say alcohol was not a factor. Now authorities are saying the early morning accident came right after an argument with his wife, Elin Nordegren. Nordegren confirmed the argument at the scene of the accident and Tiger gave the same story to authorities at the hospital where he was treated. According to police reports, Nordegren smashed out the back window of Tiger's car to help get him out and also retrieved some medication the golfer may have taken. Since that time, several reports have come out that Tiger's wife confronted him with allegations he had cheated on her. She then followed him out of the house and struck the moving vehicle with the golf club, causing him to get distracted and hit the hydrant. After the Florida Highway Patrol went to Tiger's house to attempt to find out the details, Tiger and the missus invoked their right to remain silent. But Tiger didn't remain too silent, posting a message on his website and cancelling an appearance at his own golf tournament. (Source)

UPDATE: After it became obvious that Tiger Woods was getting more pussy than all the terrorists who are partying with 73 virgins a piece IN HELL, Tiger has released a new statement on his website (FINALLY!) on December 11, 2009.

"I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I've done, but I want to do my best to try.

I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What's most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.

After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.
Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period. Sounds like someone caught the Tiger by his tail(s).

gun crazy

Iver Johnson Revolvers "are not toys: they shoot straight and kill." And yet, "Papa says they won't hurt us." Guns don't kill people. Papas kill people. (Source)

hulk of burning love

For those of you who think wrestling is fake, you only have to look at these photos to know that if you pull Hulk Hogan's finger, things can only get worse from there.

i feel pretty

Luis Venegas a Madrid-based editor of fashion and art publications has launched his latest magazine called Candy. The first "Transversal Style" magazine. Says Venegas, Candy is the first fashion magazine ever completely dedicated to celebrating transvestism, transexuality, cross dressing and androgyny, in all its manifestations. This issue cover model is Luke Worrall, otherwise known as Kelly Osbournes hot piece of ass. (Source)

have a glass of whine

Whether you prefer Chardonnay, Merlot or Annie Green Springs, this is the wine glass for you. You can savor the flavor all night long , because thi glass holds up to a full bottle of your favorite vino. Just the right thing for those cozy nights in. You and your liver can cuddle all night long. (Source)

it's satan, bitch

Britney Spears has joined the Illuminati. News at 11.